Perry Glasser

FINANCE FOR THE CLUELESS: INVESTING – THE DON’TS

In Economics, Economy, EDUCATION, Finance, FINANCE FOR THE CLUELESS on April 5, 2014 at 12:24 pm

OK, Binky, let’s check.

  • You have:
  • Paid off your consumer debt;
  • Are paying off your leveraged debt, such as student loans;
  • Measured and understand risk tolerance as a function of age and psychology;
  • Have wrestled the Beast of Consumer-Celebrity Culture to a stand-off and so are able to resist its psychological hold on you to impulse-buy consumer goods you neither want nor need,
  • Have for emergencies banked at least 3 months of expenses in a purely liquid account (6 months is better);
  • Insured against catastrophe—possibly through your employer; and
  • A reliable flow of revenue.
  • Accepted the Dollars$ plan to GET RICH SLOWLY.

Should you lack any of the above, Dollar$ wishes you well, but advises you to take control of your financial life before attempting to aggregate wealth by investing.

SHOULD NEVER HAVE SET SAIL

SHOULD NEVER HAVE SET SAIL

You do not want to attempt to sail across a stormy ocean in a vessel that leaks. If you are sailing with a partner, you may also risk thinking you need to jettison the love of your life—but that won’t plug the leaks in your boat.

Dollar$ is well aware of the gazillion investment gurus offering all manner of “free” advice designed to give the Clueless investor an illusion of control by suggesting investment strategies that invite Wizards into their lives. Wizards cast arcane spells that universally reduce to one spell.

Binky, since you are too stupid to be a Wizard, give us your money and for a modest fee we will take care of your investments for you.

Dollar$ maintains that  the basics of money management are simple enough for a carrot; he is also certain that Wizards blow smoke the better to separate the Clueless from their money. Further, he does not doubt for a moment that their pals, the Weasels, elected officials, structure American education so that Citizens remain ignorant of how they are getting screwed by Buccaneers.

Dollar$ fights the Power.

Expensive Necromancy

Wizards who take what seems like a pittance: 1.5 percent each year for money management are parasites sucking your lifeblood.

But they are not stupid. If they bleed you to death, they will require a new host. It is far better from the Wizard’s perspective to keep you walking around in a weakened state. That way, they feast forever.  They have this philosophy in common with tapeworms.

If the stock market goes up 7 percent in a year, but a Wizard takes 1.5 percent of that, the Wizard is skimming more than 20 percent of your gains. By the way, if the stock market goes down, the Wizard will mumble apologies, and still take his percentage, accelerating your losses. Your Wizard partner wins even when you lose.

Avoid Wizardry!

It’s your LIFE we are talking about!  If you are unwilling to take control of it, someone surely will!

DON’T hand your money over to someone or some institution, not even a mutual fund manager. If the benchmark of a mutual fund performance is, say, the S&P 500, or the Dow Jones Industrial Average, it stands to reason that managed funds MUST do worse almost every year because no manager is taking a percentage. In fact, 70 percent of all managed mutual funds under-perform their unmanaged benchmarks.

The Exceptions

Nothing beats an employer-sponsored retirement plan—a 401k for example. 401ks have rules that require professional money-management, so accept that.

Nothing beats an enforced, pre-tax investment vehicle for wealth accrual. Pony-up every dime you can up to the employer sponsored maximum. Tattoo on your leg the Dollar$ maxim: LEAVE NO MONEY ON THE TABLE. If your employer is matching even as little as $.25 on the dollar, why would you leave it in your employer’s pocket?

Even better, since a 401k is pre-tax money, it reduces your Federal taxes. Look, Binky, if you are in a 20 percent tax bracket, you have no other investment that pays a guaranteed 20 percent the moment you make the investment.

So let professional money management manage your 401k. If you are young, this is no time to be timid. Create a mix of aggressive mutual funds. When you get to 45-ish, you can become more defensive. But there will only be one time in your life when you can sustain and endure bad luck–NOW.

The other exception to resisting professional Wizard management is after you accrue $100,000 in investable money. Dollar$ would then reconsider your portfolio, as life will get complicated and you do not want to be worrying about finance while you are sipping rum drinks from coconuts on your vacation.

Then again, if you accrued $100,000, you are no longer among Clueless, are you?

DON’Ts

DON’T shake with envy over someone making a killing on a hot stock—your goal is to get rich slowly. Congratulate them; take solace in your slower but surer path to a comfortable old age or to aggregating the down payment for that first house.

DON’T pay attention to TV personalities who nightly scream about investments: they are under compulsion to say something new 5 nights each week. Surely, the investment landscape does not change so radically every 24 hours that yesterday’s strategy should be thrown out today.

DON’T pay attention to annual columns in magazines, online, or newspapers in which a bevy of Wizards name their top 3 or top 5 picks for the coming year. How is it that no two Wizards name the same list? Are they throwing darts or do they have a strategy? Could it be the publications want to annually run a second column about how they offer great advice because one of their professional touts will pick winners?

DON’T churn your portfolio. Make strategic plans and review them every 3 years. Markets will go up and down. Hold for the long haul.

DON’T sell in a sharp downturn: they call such moments “Panic” for a reason. Once you sell, you cannot recover. Investors who panicked in 2008 when the markets dropped and the Dow Jones Industrial Average left investors gasping after a plunge from above 14,000 to about 6,500 saw losses of 55 percent! Aaaagh!  Barf!  Rats! If they sold to defend what was left, they missed the subsequent rise that a mere 6 years later has the DJIA over 16,000.  What might have happened if they’d stayed the course and at deep discounts bought more?

If you are among the Clueless but setting out in a secure rowboat, pull at the oars and do not let the occasional storm swamp you.

There will be storms.

You will survive them.

 Coming Soon: The Dollar$ The Dos!

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  1. […] you are unsure you should dip your trembling toe into investment waters, reread FINANCE FOR THE CLUELESS: INVESTING – THE DON’TS right here at […]

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