Perry Glasser

WIZARDRY EXPOSED

In Business, Economy, EDUCATION, Finance, Personal Finance, Wall Street Journal on January 6, 2015 at 1:42 pm
WIZARD OF FINANCE

WIZARD OF FINANCE

Financial Wizards feel compelled to offer explanations for any and all stock market perturbations. After all, what’s the point of being a Wizard if you possess no magic?

Besides, how can a Wizard separate a Citizen from hard-earned cash by offering sage advice despite being clueless?

Cohorts of Wizards are in the business of blowing red smoke, green smoke, and blue smoke to impress the rubes that the world of finance is too mysterious and hard to understand for mere mortals, a falsehood that precipitates money.
Nevertheless, smoke remains smoke.

Wizardry Exposed

Wizard advice comes in four flavors:

Subjunctive Mood Mavens: Solemn pronouncements in subjunctive mood are consultant-speak, the language of baseless prognostications, crystal ball gazing bank economists, and other members of  the OUIJA board school of investment advice. They can never be wrong. Dollar$ notes for those who need a grammar refresher that subjunctive mood expresses an idea that is untrue or a wish. Subjunctive mood is especially helpful when waffling. The stock market may go down this year is an utterance that suggests it may also go up. Subjunctive mood is a favorite of the Wizard Street Journal headline writers who have the odious task of filling column inches on days when there is no financial news — which is most days. Greece May be Forced from the Euro Common Market!  Yes, well, it might not be, too.

Hysterics: We pay for slasher movies because we like a good scare; we ride rollercoasters for the same reason. The Wizard who cries “Wolf!” on a near daily basis, unlike the boy in the story, will always find listeners. Like the owner of the clock that stopped who bragged his timepiece was correct twice each day, Doomsayers gather an audience despite being wrong most of the time. Readers who doubt this may want to note that even adjusted for inflation, the Dow Jones Industrial Average, the measure by which most people assess stock the US markets, has gone from below 4,000 in 1994 to hover near 18,000 now. Even adjusted for inflation, any schmuck should realize listening to Doomsayer Hysterics can cost a bundle. If Henny Penny urges you to make your appeal to Foxy Loxy because the sky is falling, don’t be surprised if you turn into Foxy Loxy’s main dinner course.Henny_penny

Snow-Blowers: Ruminating over arcane charts and using an esoteric vocabulary about cups, cliffs, breakout and support levels, peaks and valleys, Snow-Blowers sell unwary Citizens advice based on the premise that graphical patterns in the past will repeat in the future. Such soothsaying is about as accurate as your average racetrack tout who examines past performances. While racetrack touts and technical analysts will leave you equally broke, racetrack touts use a transparent vocabulary. You might also consult the entrails of birds.

Screamers:  When you have to fill a 30-minute TV time slot for five days each week, the only way to maintain an audience is to scream at them.  That’s 200 days each year, a total of 100 hours of annual financial advice. When every study shows that the best way for investments to thrive is a modest, infrequently varied buy-and-hold investing approach, it’s hard to imagine just what there is to scream about, other than trying to draw the audience that draws the advertisers.  I mean, what can Cramer do? Name seven stocks every January and shut up for a year? His bad calls are legendary, but he does not have to be right, he has to be loud.  It’s just show-biz, folks.kramer7

 

 

 

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